Monday, January 12, 2009
The past reflects. It reflects who we are. Who I am, who I am to you and who you are to me. It also guides us. Shows us a path to take, or not to take. Paths are funny things. Some have cliffs on either side and they fall all the way down. Other paths have sunshine and scattered light, and if you fall it's onto a bed of memories and laughter.
I'm on a memory trip down a certain path at the moment, while trying hard to remember all the paths I've walked before. I'm trying to remember that language can be used to provoke or criticise, or to embrace or comfort. I'm trying to remember all.
After Ms MJ gave my personality a thorough dissection weeks ago my confidence took a sharp dip. Into some cold and deep water. It shouldn't have, but it still went deep and dark. The year 2008 was the toughest of my professional and personal lfe and it is with my greatest feeling that I want 2009 to be different in so many ways. So I've decided to walk slowly. Take the path that seems to call.
Love can occasionally be a brutal thing. When I've been with someone for a length of time sometimes my heart starts to feel like an overcrowded lifeboat. I throw my pride out to keep it afloat, and then my self-respect and then my independence. After a while the only next step is to start throwing out people I love. My friends, my family, everyone I used to know. The lifeboat is going down and I know it's going to take me down with it.
So, no more. Never, ever say no to love, or to the opportunity to love. But walk the right path. The one that has memories and laughter on either side. And the farther on that path I walk, the more memories and laughter are created.
I think we all deserve that.
I know I do.