Thursday, October 16, 2008

I Need a Nap. Or a Fatal Beating.


We walked through the evening crowds, loving the faces, loving the laughter, loving the perfumes of skin and hair. Loving the feel of this woman on my arm. And yet I was alone, far too alone with my love of this town and my growing feelings and fears of this woman.

Sooner or later fate puts us together with all the people, one by one. It shows us what we could, what we could not, what we should and should not, let ourselves become. Sooner or later we meet the drunkard, the wasted, the betrayer, the ruthless mind and the hate filled heart. But fate, bless it, loads the dice, because I always find myself pitying almost all these people. And it's almost impossible to despise someone you honestly pity, almost as much as it's impossible to shun someone you love.

Love is on my mind.

Sex is also on my mind.

Freud said that we're motivated by the drive for sex. Another well respected gentleman disagreed, Dr Adler said we're motivated by the drive for power. Yet another, Dr Victor Frankle, he said sex and power were important drives, but when you can't get either one - no sex, and no power - there's still something else that keeps driving us. The drive for meaning.

I believe that in my life the drive for sex, the drive for power, the drive for meaning... they're all part and parcel of the same motivation. I just wish I knew what that was. I want to quantify it and boil it down and grab it in two hands and keep it in an open box to study it.

Things are slightly off centre in a very new relationship, and if it's off centre this soon... well...

I think too much.

7 comments:

Kate said...

You certainly do think too much.
Take a nap, I'm feeling that a fatal beating is probably a little too extreme.
At present, anyway.

Maybe Julia can give you a slap instead?

Similar Simian said...

I was thinking more along the lines of me administering the fatal beating. It soothes me.

And Julia has enormous hands. Her slappy slaps hurt my outside skin.

jon said...

If I may suggest: realising our partner's are not carbon copies of ourselves, and often have quite different flaws to our own glaring carbuncles, and being accepting (not, perhaps, always comfortable) with that, is an important block underpinning all long term relationships.

You're not thinking too much on this point I think: no-one is perfect. She may be perfect for you, however? That takes time to know....

Ju said...

you better believe it! When I slap ...I slap for results!

kimba said...

hmmm.. friday night I was out with an old flame.. and a thought passed through my head.. a familiar thought..
the thought was this..

"If I kiss him I won't have to listen to him talk anymore.."

Decidedly NOT a good reason to go to the next step with someone.. don't you think?

Selma said...

Things you need: chocolate, sex, a spanking, wellington boots, wire brush, Dettol. What you do with them and in what order is entirely up to you.

Whatever Will Bewilder Me said...

Somewhere, a lone violin player plays a lonely note...A nap, then a beating then another nap. Come on big boy, chin up. I'm with Jon, good things take time, sometimes you don't know it's a good thing for a while, like onions nobody likes onions when they first try them, and as with onions be prepared to feel some pain. Freud also said "A certain degree of neurosis is of inestimable value as a drive" but don't let that neurosis keep driving you off a cliff when all you need to do is take a nap.