Thursday, December 18, 2008

I just squished a mosquito

The title of this post has absolutely no bearing on its subject, but I just squished a mozzie and I'm rather pleased about it.

My last post was about those three little words. "I Love You'. Those three words make up my favourite phrase in the entire english language. They can reduce a person to the depths of crusty loneliness, or they can raise a person to heights achieved only by the most magnificient pavlova.

Turns out not so much for me with the three little words. In a conversation on Monday morning I was told (among other things) that; 'your friends think that you're immature, offensive and annoying'... 'you think you're funny, but in fact you're just rude'... and my personal favourite, 'if you were like this around my friends they would cut you down and you would embarrass me'.

Now, the fact that I can't be arsed spell checking 'embarassed' shouldn't count against me.

This conversation on Monday morning that really shook me. Not just figuratively. I called my good friend Ms Coventry about an hour after the fact and I was shaking. For a good twenty five minutes my personality was dissected and torn apart. And I shook.

I don't hurt easily, but this woman who just a few short days ago had told me that she loved me had decided the my personality, the thing that makes me, well, me, was something that needed drastic changes. I'm in favour of change. I change pants, t-shirt and breakfast cereal almost every other day. But having someone tell you that your personality needs to change... I'm more likely to start creating artistic tea towels featuring tasteful nudes of well known chefs. Not a bad idea come to think of it.

I won't speak badly of her. Not even after she made me shake. She has issues with her body image. Massive issues. First five weeks - lights out sex. No exception. Whenever she got out of bed I was told to look away. Jeans and large tops were the clothes of choice, whatever the occasion. She was not an overweight girl. Sexy, confident and clever. Didn't like herself a whole bunch though... But, I liked her. Would have loved her. With all of me.

I've been writing scripts this week for a new food and wine show that I'm directing and cutting, so I haven't really let myself think about the whole thing yet... I sent my final drafts for episodes 1-4 to the producer this afternoon so tonight I'm going to drink enough to kill any thoughts that I have, might have, will ever have.

I'm newly 34 years old. And I have friends that don't think I'm offensive.

I'm chucking that on my CV.

Before I pass out.

Anyone know any single women?


the projectivist said...

Not that clever after all though.

I don't like the sounds of her, not one bit! Anyone that wants to change you, and says such wanky things about you? the alarm bells should be ringing.

seems like they are for you. Sorry, it's all a bit shitty, isn't it?

Similar Simian said...

Ms P..

Thank you. You've said what I been thinkin...

And shitty it is.

Kate said...

Agreed it is shitty. And yes I have many beautiful funny single friends who will tell you that you are immature and embarrassing (sp) but you will then be able to say to them "I dont care because your arse looks hu-uge in that" and it wont be shitty because you'll actually like each other.
But they are in London.
I have no friends here.
Except for the projectivist and I've never met her.

"I just squished a mosquito" is quite succinct methinks.

Anonymous said...

grr.. that gal.
don't change sim sim.

if you were a total cunt someone would have knifed you by now, hey?

kimba said...

thinkering on this post.. while pissed.. I must say I am a fan of delivering the FOUR little words..

I love you.. but..

I think this lassie is a fellow fan of the four letters..

[is she the chickie you were going to dump on her arse around the time of the move????]

kimba said...

I mean the four LITTLE words.. not the four letter words..

a bit of a jungian, pavlovian, freudian slip..

kimba said...

can I start again?
gosh I am drunk

someone take my phone away before I make an arse of myself somewhere other than here..


T-Bird said...

Oh. My. Goodness. That sort of sucks massively.

Awesome blog, by the way. I came here by way of the projectivist.

So, er... sometimes we're better off without people like that in our lives. If she treated you like that, I can't even begin to imagine how she's treating herself.

Changing one's personality is never a good thing. I agree. Alarm bells, dude.

Anonymous said...

I have a good Scottish retort to her three little words that not many non-Scots know about but in this case I am willing to share with you - 'Kiss my bahookie.'

I don't know you in person (only in spirit) but I can tell you are lovable. There is no need for you to change.

Ju said...

I think that you should unleash me on that women...any little lady who attacks my favourite part of you (your rediculous brain) can expect an massive slap and knee from me. OOhhhh I have always wanted to hit someone....

BrightBoy AUS said...

sounds like you didn't need to meet her friends, and now, lo, you won't!!!!

chin up my friend.. and onwards..


La Femme said...

I like pavlova.

Anonymous said...

hi, i found you via kimba... nice post, and i hope that things have become better rather than shitty-er in the ensuing weeks.

squishing mosquitoes is an excellent and most useful talent - potentially life saving.

though perhaps not in NZ. there, i guess the worst you could contract would be an annoying itchy-bite.

Little Red said...

Yep, like this post too, must say. You have many female fans, it appears! I stumbled across you through sulkygirl... I am going to raid the rest of your ranting! Good work, sir.

Anonymous said...

I know a single 35yo chick who thinks you're cool. You could ask her out on a date if you are still on the market!