Sunday, September 28, 2008
Remember To Breathe
I'm blue. Emotionally haphazard. There has been a split from a lady that I care about but just isn't the right one at the right time. There has been an explosion in the life of one of my closest friends which has broken her heart. There has been a notice from the property manager that I must vacate by November 13 as the owner of my lovely rented villa wishes to return. There has been work arranged, then cancelled, then arranged again, only to be cancelled once more. Then last night I was halted in my stride by a woman I haven't seen in five years.
Slender, just past shoulder length blond hair and pale skin. Straight posture, determined presence. Loose cotton shirt, blue jeans. Beautiful. The clue to everything a man should love and fear was there, in her stance, in her look, in her first words.
There was pride in her smile as she spoke. Years ago I'd mistaken that pride for arrogance. I won't make that mistake again. I was lost immediately. Floating and lost. Her hand was on my arm as she spoke. Familiar and as exciting as a whispered promise.
Once we were lovers, now we were strangers. So we stood. I looked at her, a stranger, yet so recognisable to me. A voice in my heart said yes, yes, yes. We talk, we talk for almost two hours. I struggle to get words out. I worry, I hope instinct is true and right. My heart has never guided me as well as my head, and heart was well and truely steering the ship last night.
She will look at me in the next week as we sit across from each other, and I'll continue to struggle to define the colour of her eyes. I won't tell her what I want to tell her. The determination I have to not make the same mistakes of five years ago is amost brutal. My heart is moving through deep and silent water.
She is a woman who knows.
She might be... might be... my woman who knows.