Sunday, September 28, 2008

Remember To Breathe

I'm blue. Emotionally haphazard. There has been a split from a lady that I care about but just isn't the right one at the right time. There has been an explosion in the life of one of my closest friends which has broken her heart. There has been a notice from the property manager that I must vacate by November 13 as the owner of my lovely rented villa wishes to return. There has been work arranged, then cancelled, then arranged again, only to be cancelled once more. Then last night I was halted in my stride by a woman I haven't seen in five years.

Slender, just past shoulder length blond hair and pale skin. Straight posture, determined presence. Loose cotton shirt, blue jeans. Beautiful. The clue to everything a man should love and fear was there, in her stance, in her look, in her first words.

There was pride in her smile as she spoke. Years ago I'd mistaken that pride for arrogance. I won't make that mistake again. I was lost immediately. Floating and lost. Her hand was on my arm as she spoke. Familiar and as exciting as a whispered promise.

Once we were lovers, now we were strangers. So we stood. I looked at her, a stranger, yet so recognisable to me. A voice in my heart said yes, yes, yes. We talk, we talk for almost two hours. I struggle to get words out. I worry, I hope instinct is true and right. My heart has never guided me as well as my head, and heart was well and truely steering the ship last night.

She will look at me in the next week as we sit across from each other, and I'll continue to struggle to define the colour of her eyes. I won't tell her what I want to tell her. The determination I have to not make the same mistakes of five years ago is amost brutal. My heart is moving through deep and silent water.

She is a woman who knows.

She might be... might be... my woman who knows.


Crushed said...

Do you know the Human Leage trachk 'Louise'?

Check it out on YouTube, it kind of seemed appropriate to your posts..

sparsely kate said...

Hey, cool post! Am going to scroll down and read more..thank you for stopping by my blog ( which has turned a bit gay lately with all the flower posting but I plan on getting back to boobs, no-sex and depression really soon! funtimes!)

Kate said...

blue to yellow, the colour of joy.

Selma said...

Sorry you're blue, hon. You have a lot of tough things to deal with right now. Take it easy.

Similar Simian said...

Mr Crush... cheers, didn't know it but you're right, cool track.

Ms Sparsely... your blog is sooo gay. But it's also a little bit excellent.

Ms K B... I have dispatched a crack team of intercontinental (not inconitinent, although that would be beyond awesome!)ninjas to steal many of your works that I admire so.

Ms Selma... thanks, appreciate it. I've taken off my blue and nervous coat and have put on my cardigan of happy. I'm fickle like that.

the projectivist said...

you sound melancholic
but in a nice way
the kind of melancholy that makes us evaluate where we are
(always good)

sorry about the house move
but still, plenty of time to find something, take your time, get something equally as nice, if not nicer.

mr simian?
you put words to the kind of feelings that i hope all men secretly harbour.

if i were your slender, blonde, determined girl in blue jeans, i'd be QUITE pleased if you told me all those things that you wished you could tell me.

Kate said...

the incontinent incompetent ninjas left a lot to be desired and much clearing up.
just send me your address and be done with it.

Rabindranath Tagore and Pablo Neruda for me this week.
Try Twenty Love Poems and a Song of Despair.

travistee said...

Ah, could she be the phoenix from the ashes?

Ju said...

House. I felt every sentence and yes...I really hope that someone will respond to me as their women who knows...just as you have to her. I am intrigued. I am going to call you